I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize