so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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