I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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