I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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