Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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