I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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