they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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