Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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