he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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