Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
