We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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