Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
