you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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