Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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