I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
