she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
