I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
