sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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