no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
