i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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