I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize