That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
