Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
