so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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