the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
