I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
