the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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