i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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