just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
