Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize