And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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