Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
