Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
