they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
