but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
