Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize