If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
