just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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