She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize