Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
