If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
