you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
