They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
