eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
