I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
