so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize