I'm so fucking centered right now
nutella sex= disaster
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want nice things and good sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm like, not good at living.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
