eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
