Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
