How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize