I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
