what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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