Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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