Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she peed on how many people?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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