Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
