Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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