I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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