i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize