well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
