you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
