Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
