Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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