Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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