ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
