Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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