Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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