but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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